Eivind asked me if I would like to write a blog post about my experiences from the first round of Reclaiming Your Inner Throne. Fall 2014.
What had happend to my life according to the three pillars a new life.
Joy, purpose and authentic power?
First of all I feel like a new man.
I feel seated in myself and it feels like coming home.
This could sound like a cliché and you would stop reading but hear me out.
I have done a lot of work on myself for many years and read many books on self development. I have been (fucked) depressed, stressed out and single for many years and I felt totally alone in the world.
On top of that I felt ashamed about it.
The first pillar FUN:
Connecting to the lover archetype through the warrior energy.
I used to have a hard time having fun. I felt stupid and embarrassed when I was laughing and I thought fun and joy wasn’t for me to enjoy.
It felt awkward and I felt awkward.
I have always had a good sense of humor but mostly I used it to make a good impression and to take the heath out of stressful situations and conflicts.
Little did I know about the real reason for this behavior.
What I learned during the course was that I actually had a deep seated fear of conflicts and had no idea how to handle my own feelings.
There was a bad connection between my head and my body. They didn´t cooperate.
And what about the heart?
This made me shameful and I hide myself behind jokes and acted like a clown to change the subject.
I feared anger and most of all I feared my sadness and to my suprice that was why I couldn’t handle my gladness.
This strategy kept me on a safe distance from other people and especially from women for many years.
During the Inner Throne course I got a chance to face this behavior and this well hidden denial pattern in my life.
I could see that this was nothing new and I had lied to myself and not believed it could be different.
Anyway I realized I was stuck in this pattern and I didn´t know what to do.
I lived mostly in my head and listened to all the voices there and I was the audience. I tried to figure it out but it only got worse.
Some of the exercises in the course opened the connection between my head and my body and I released some old grief I had been harboring and it felt like an inner Berlin wall came down.
Suddenly I dared to feel my sadness and then I could feel my true gladness and my heart bursts open.It gave me a tremendous strength and clarity.
Now It feels natural to be happy and that’s without me trying to cover up something.
It just feels right and it comes from deep inside.
Somewhere in my chest.
Could it be from my heart?
This experience has led me to embrace the gift of appreciation and compassion for myself the world and it´s beauty.
It feels like I love myself and my life, and that´s quite new.
Without being selfish or self-centered or feeling guilt.
I feel relaxed, present and solid even in front of beautiful women and especially one woman who showed up in my life one month ago.
I had to let go of down talking myself and ignoring my possibilities.
I started to welcoming good things and relationships.
I made myself in alignment with the best woman for me.
And then she showed up.
Actually I have announced this on my facebook page today and I feel a deep satisfaction and this good rotation in my stomach wich I haven’t felt for many years, if ever before.
The world is now an amazing opening and not a stack of obstacles and idiots.
If this story makes you curious and if you have any questions about this experience you are most welcome to join in on the webinar and I will answer the best I can.
Next blogpost, I will write about how I experienced the ascending of my true Purpose.
Thank you for listening